GIRLFRIEND #12

When on Adult FriendFinder, I penned a regular series of blog posts about my girlfriends - 16 out of 31 were covered. Following my blog post on girlfriend #8 (see https://bowandarrowman.blogspot.com/2024/03/girlfriend-8.html) and girlfriend#23 (see https://bowandarrowman.blogspot.com/2024/04/girlfriend-23.html), I'm going to continue this series further here. And I warn you now, this post is rather a long one even by my standards!

Girlfriend #12 shares a first name with the three famous women shown in the photos above and below.

I met girlfriend #12 when she worked in the administrative office in the university department I was working in as a lecturer. She was both incredibly sexy and very sassy. She often wore denim and she had frizzy hair, two big turn-ons for me. Slowly I befriended her, while flirting with her, and we went out for a drink after work a couple of times.

Girlfriend #12 knew I fancied her rotten, not least because I told her. But she initially resisted my charms. After one evening out, she came back to my house and she stayed over after we had sex. The next day she invited me round to her parent's house where she was living. I took this as a very encouraging sign. It soon became clear that we were an 'item'.

She moved out of her parent's house and rented a flat not too far where I lived. We saw each other a lot and we were getting on very well. I introduced her to my parents and even my parents met her parents in a restaurant. Everyone seemed to get on.

But three events took place over the course of three tears which put a strain on our relationship.

First, at the time I used to go to a lot of academic conferences. As a matter of routine, I would always take condoms - they were even on my packing list! After returning from a conference held in Newcastle, girlfriend #12 was furious with me. She had been staying at my house to look after my cat while I was away. She had counted the condoms in my bedside drawer and realised a few were missing. I decided my best course of action was to tell the truth and showed her the condoms that I had taken to the conference to convince her that I didn't have sex with someone else when I was away. I didn't; in fact, I only ever had sex once at an academic conference! Girlfriend #12 accepted my defence. If nothing else, this incident tod me that she was keen on me, even if a bit too keen by counting condoms!

The second event was when girlfriend #12 became pregnant. This was the second time this had happened in a relationship for me - there was a third time after this relationship. Girlfriend #12 suffered from endometriosis, a condition which makes it difficult to get pregnant. I sensed girlfriend #12 didn't want an abortion, which was her right. However, she asked for my opinion and I said that I would support the child if she chose to give birth, but that this was too early in our relationship to have children. Somewhat reluctantly I think, she chose to have an abortion. I must admit that I felt relieved at the time with her decision.

The third event was the big issue that strained our relationship. When girlfriend #12 was an administrator at the university at the start of our relationship, I was encouraging her to do a degree. She warmed to the idea and she got a place to study Latin American studies at the university I worked for - it was a totally different department than the one I was working in. Her degree was a four-year degree involving one year of study in Central or South America.

When girlfriend #12 started her degree, that year abroad wasn't an issue but as her third year approached it became an issue. Stupidly, very stupidly in fact, rather than maturely talking about things, I ended our relationship a few months before she was to fly out to Mexico saying our relationship wasn't sustainable when she was away for a year.

Though ending things with girlfriend #12, we still saw each other. We loved each other. And a few weeks before she was due to fly out to Mexico, our relationship, at least sexually, was rekindled. But yet again we didn't talk about our relationship though I did say I'd visit her over the Christmas holidays.

But just as our relationship was being rekindled, an incident happened. My best friend, who lived opposite me, invited his friends, including me and girlfriend #12, around for drinks. After a few hours, I said my goodbyes to everyone hoping that girlfriend #12 would soon follow me. When I got back to my house, there was a knock on my door. I was hoping it was girlfriend #12, but it was a woman who had already made some very explicit passes towards me a while back. Her passes, by the way, weren't accepted. But on the doorstep, the woman claimed she came over to cadge a cigarette from me. I went upstairs to get a cigarette but, as soon I was at the top of the stairs, girlfriend #12 came over to my house. Then a big fight ensued between girlfriend #12 and the woman. I rushed downstairs to break up the fight and told the woman to leave. This should have told me that girlfriend #12 was keen on me, but I decided to get on my soapbox and say that she was out of order that night.

So girlfriend #12 left for Mexico as ex-girlfriend #12. These were pre-email days, so we had to rely on phoning and writing letters to stay in touch. But even these methods weren't easy as girlfriend #12 didn't have a phone where she was living. I had to call some phone number at an agreed time to speak to her - I presume she had to go to a phone call shop. The first call between us was so distant, metaphorically far more than literally.

While girlfriend #12 was in Mexico, it was 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' for me. And I suspect, it was 'out of sight, out of mind' for her. I was heartbroken. I've never told this to anyone before, but I even posted a letter with an engagement ring to girlfriend #12 in Mexico. To this day, I still don't know whether she received it and, if she did, my offer of marriage was clearly not accepted. Too little, too late!

During girlfriend #12's time in Mexico, I carried on seeing her parents. Looking back, I was desperate thinking that keeping on good terms with them, especially her Mum, would be a way to get back with her. However, I did get a message from girlfriend #12 via her Mum that she'd like to me to pick her up from the airport on her return from Mexico. I read far too much into that request because in reality I was just a free lift back from Manchester to Portsmouth for her. That car journey was horrible. Her Mum, the trooper she was, kept having to make the conversation flow in the car.

We kept in touch as friends only. When I moved to Nottingham, girlfriend #12 lived in my house in Portsmouth until I sold it. But there was one incident between us when I told her that I was seeing someone in Nottingham, girlfriend #27, that girlfriend #12 started flirting with me big time and asked me to share her bed that night, strictly speaking it was my bed! I asked her then whether she wanted back with me and, if so, whether she's be happy to move to Nottingham with me. She replied in the affirmative to both questions. I then ended my new relationship with girlfriend #27. And when I phoned girlfriend #12 what I had done, I could tell that her heart wasn't into things. This time, unlike other times, I had a conversation with her so I had matured a bit. But it was clear that girlfriend #12 didn't want me to be with someone else, but she didn't want to be with me. The penny finally dropped! And, by the way, girlfriend #27 never took me back when I said I had made a mistake in breaking things up. Girlfriend #27 was dead right to kick me into touch. I needed to sort out my act!

Have you ever had someone that got away from you?

Have you worked out the first name of girlfriend #12?

In many ways, girlfriend #12 is the one that got away from me. Writing this post has been tinged with sadness. I often wonder what would have happened to us if she hadn't had that abortion and we had a child and if I hadn't cooled the relationship down before she spent a year in Mexico. As it turned out, she did give birth to a son when in a new relationship later on and the father wasn't the man she had met in Mexico, which was a very small blessing to me!

Now, having written quite a few posts about my ex-girlfriends. I've become quite aware where I went wrong. I just wouldn't commit to a relationship even though I was keen on the relationship, thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Now older, but probably not wiser, I realise that wasn't a good assumption to make decisions about relationships. C'est la vie!

And I was worried that this post would never end but ended it has!