GIRLFRIEND #15
On Adult FriendFinder, I penned a regular series of blog posts about my girlfriends - 16 out of 31 girlfriends were covered there. A further four girlfriends - girlfriend #8 (https://bowandarrowman.
Girlfriend #15 shares a first name with the three famous women shown in the photos above and below.
I met girlfriend #15 while I was working at the University of Portsmouth; I was a lecturer and she was a researcher. We didn't work together but she did share an office with one of my researchers so we gradually got to know each other during my very regular visits to their office.
After one visit when my researcher wasn't around, I asked girlfriend #15 whether she wanted a drink as it well after 5pm. She agreed. We walked to a nearby pub and stayed there chatting and drinking until last orders, 11pm. I then asked whether she wanted to come back to my place. She said yes.
Drunkenly we walked back to my home, about a 15-minute walk. After fixing each other a drink, we carried on chatting in my lounge. But the conversation was getting sexually charged. I started to take my clothes off. As soon as he saw my cock, she made a beeline to it and started to lick and suck my cock. I still vividly remember her look and then intent to play with my cock. Very soon we went upstairs to my bedroom and had lots of sex. She was having a period so there was a lot of blood on my sheets in the morning.
The next morning I asked for her phone number which she readily gave me. We saw each other probably about three times a week for the next three years. The sex was fantastic, or at least from where I was standing.
We made up our own game, called VKS (short for very kinky sex), based on the hangman game which we used to play in a pub. At the end of the evening, we'd go back to my house to re-enact the winning fantasy scenario, which was usually my scenario. The sex would involve lots of oral sex, vaginal sex and anal sex, plus plenty of blindfolding, bondage, nipple clamps, ball weights and spanking by hand, paddle or crop.
As well as spending many dirty weekends in Amsterdam, we'd also spend long weekends in a BDSM-styled cottage called Ess and Emm in a village in the English county of Warwickshire. At the self-catering cottage, our favourite accessories were the spanking bench and St Andrew's cross. The spanking bench was well used for licking, sucking, fingering, fucking and, of course, spanking. loved being tied to the St Andrew's cross while girlfriend #15 used ball weights on me, and she loved being tied to the cross while I flogged her voluptuous breasts.
Sex with girlfriend #15 was magical, probably the best sex I've ever had with someone. Though we were very sexually compatible, we weren't necessarily romantically compatible. Our relationship was distinctly unromantic. She had met my parents, and I had met her mother and brother - her father had died before we got together. We didn't behave like a boyfriend and girlfriend. We never showed any public displays of affection, we never talked about our feelings for each other, and we never planned a future together.
Though we rarely talked about our relationship, I assumed that we we weren't in an exclusively relationship. I certainly had sex with other women while seeing girlfriend #15 and, off the grapevine, I heard that she had sex with other men while seeing me. Rather than having a mature conversation about the terms of our relationship and agree to have a non-exclusive relationship, we just sidestepped the issue by not asking any questions to each other and not telling each other who we were having sex with. At the time, the ambiguity suited me as I didn't want to commit myself to girlfriend #15 in an exclusive relationship. I suspect girlfriend #15 felt the same way.
Towards the end of our relationship, we must have had a break of seeing each other, girlfriend #15 started dating one of my friends and colleagues who was clearly smitten with her. During a one Friday night out where many of my colleagues would attend after work. they were both there. I don't think I was jealous but I wasn't happy about the situation. I texted girlfriend #15 during proceedings and asked whether she would come back to my place that night. She texted back to say yes. We had sex that night and she then called things off with my friend. We then started seeing each other regularly but sex, at least for me, was the agenda. At this stage, I started to think girlfriend #15 wanted more commitment from me. I was torn as I quite enjoyed the ambiguity of our relationship.
However, the relationship with girlfriend #15 became strained soon after for at least two reasons. First, girlfriend #15 became pregnant. Now I wasn't going to play the 'prove-I'm-the-father-card' as I accepted on the balance of probabilities that I probably was. This was the third time that a girlfriend of mine got pregnant, I felt quite experienced about my response. Like the the past two times, I said it was girlfriend #15's decision whether to have the baby or not and that I would do my bit in supporting the child if she chose to have the baby, but that I couldn't commit myself to her on the basis of her choosing to have the baby. Reading what I just wrote back and looking back, I feel I was probably a little heartless or at least a little clinical.
And second and probably foremost, I moved from Portsmouth to Nottingham with a change of job. Though we saw each other a few times both in Portsmouth and Nottingham, the relationship, albeit an ambiguous one, never really survived that move. One time when I went back to Portsmouth, we met up for a drink and I asked her back to my place. She said no as she had just met someone special. That left me a little flabbergasted though I readily accepted her answer as I knew deep down that I didn't or couldn't give her what she wanted.
Have you ever had an ambiguous relationship not knowing whether it's inclusive or exclusive?
Have you worked out the first name of girlfriend #15?
I tried to keep in touch with girlfriend #15 while I was in Nottingham, but it was clear that she had moved on from me. She didn't reply to my texts wanting a game of VKS when I was down in Portsmouth and texts asking her to spend a weekend with me at the Ess and Emm cottage, roughly halfway between Nottingham and Portsmouth. The last I heard off the grapevine is that she married that special man. On hearing that news, it told me that I needed to move on myself.
I wouldn’t say I had ambiguous relationships, no. But, then, I haven’t done monogamy in almost twenty years. So, maybe all my relationships are ambiguous in a sense because I refuse to commit to just one.
ReplyDeleteI dunno what the girlfriends name is
Given you haven't been monogamous for nearly 20 years, do/did you tell everything to all partners or do/did you just answer their questions? Or did you have an arrangement where no questions were asked? Sorry to be nosy.
DeleteIt's Catherine, Cath for short.
I tell them I’m not monogamous nor will I be from the start. Ask them if they have any questions, and answer within mine and my other partner(s) boundaries.
DeleteI’m not a tell all type and I prefer not to prattle on about other relationships very much. Nor do I have interest in hearing about their other relationships.
As long as they’re happy and following safer sex guidelines with me, they can see whomever they like.
Thanks for answering my nosy questions.
DeleteWell...I would say almost everyone who I met on AFF, I never assumed it was monogamous even if that was never discussed. So yes, I suppose that was ambiguous. My current partner and I are explicitly open. He tells me about his occasional adventures, I haven't taken much advantage of it. Although certainly in a more traditional relationship I don't think a partner would feel ok about a guy coming over and giving me a massage, lol.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first joined AFF as a single man, I met a few woman and never did I assume it was an exclusive relationship, though one did tiun into that but after a discussion.
DeleteWhile I don't expect exclusivity, I do expect to be kept in the loop if the other party is having sex with someone else. For some reason, they decide to be secretive. Sux big time.
ReplyDeleteSecrets are rarely good in a relationship.
DeleteThe first two photos the women looked familiar yet it was not until I read your comment to Deb, that I knew a name.. I have only come from exclusive relationships so it is a tell all from the start, or if they say they wanted to sleep with someone else, as well as me, I bid them Goodbye.. I found out my ex LTR common-law was sleeping around at the end of our relationship, so kicked him to the curb..
ReplyDeleteHer name is Catherine, though I called her Cath at the time.
DeleteIt's always best to be explicit of the terms of a relationship from the outset. It reduces the risk of misunderstandings down the line.
It sure does for all concerned knowing precisely what each other wants or does not want. The first one is Catherine Deneuve and had a sneaking suspicion, yet could not place the other two although the middle one looks familiar as well..
DeleteThe first one is Catherine Deneuve; the second one is Catherine Bell; and the third one is Catherine Knight, a porn star.
DeleteDamn Catherine Bell is from The Good Witch, yet did not recognize her with the longer tresses there. She was from JAG also. As for the porn star, did not recognize her at all...lol.
DeleteI had to google a name of a porn star with the name Catherine. My knowledge of porn stars, beyond Stormy Daniels, is very limited.
Delete